When I was a kid, I used to get one yoni inflammation after another.

I solved the congestion and everything that was going on inside me by masturbating, but the feeling of relief was soon replaced by a feeling of guilt that you don’t do this and what will God say???

I would be unacceptable and unloved.

I was scared of men, covering it with laughter and terribly ashamed.

This fear and shame caused me to have my first sex when I was almost 21 years old, actually because it seemed abnormal not to have it at that age, and then came more yoni inflammation.

After sex I was disgusted with the act and I was terribly ashamed, but at the same time deep down I felt a great longing for fulfilment – this disparity of feelings created a great contradiction and confusion in me, what do I really want?

After two births, I started to meet women who looked at sexuality in a completely new way for me, completely different from the way I had been dealing with it since childhood.

There was understanding and I could see unconditional love in them, not only in women but in men as well, and that seemed to heal the wounds inside me.

I began to see the light and walked in a direction that sounded a tone of self-respect and self-love for the complexity of my whole being and my sexuality and my sexual organs.

My new sexual experience is that sex can be a deep mystical experience, full of feeling, trust, love, acceptance and passion all at the same time. The yoni inflammation is gone, so is the resistance and fear, not completely, I am on my way.

I am gradually discovering the potential of womanhood that is hidden in me, as it is in every woman, and I am grateful to myself for the courage to look under the hood of all the pains I have encountered, and so have my mother, grandmother and great-grandmother…our feminine lineage.

From the bottom of my heart, I wish all women are brave enough to confront their pain so they can look underneath and enjoy sexuality as much as other areas of their lives.